To Fall for You Is Not to Fall in Love With You.
A friend told me the other day that i fall for every girl i know. I disagree, yes i may fall for every girl my eyes glance at, but that’s because i am an artist, every girl i see has a story in my mind. Something like a movie i play out in my head, a fairy-tale scenario that may never happen... but was an entertaining thought. To fall in love however, now that is a whole other level. Before i continue with this piece, i would like to say a couple of disclaimers. Firstly, i have yet to fall in love. As of writing this piece, i firmly believe that i have yet to experience true love, will i ever? Who knows, maybe she's somewhere thinking of the same thing.
I find it difficult to fall in love, every description you hear of it is so extreme. "Giving someone a gun and trusting they won't pull the trigger" is that supposed to make me feel better about love? This all warming and uplifting emotion that is supposed to be filled with passion and happiness is actually the gut wrenching feeling of hanging in the balance of someone else's decision to show you what's down the barrel of the gun you so helplessly stare into? Oddly enough, i don't care about that, to fall in love means to allow yourself to be completely and unapologetically vulnerable with someone, to understand that despite any flaws you may have the person you fall in love with finds them to be a part of who you are, to know that this all might be for nothing but what you might gain makes the risk that much more desirable. Is it our desire to love or our desire to be loved that makes us go through this?
I understand the desire to be loved, but how powerful it is against the desire to love. The desire to be loved has driven some to build dependencies on other people in order to sustain the feeling that someone out there wants them, needs them, and loves them. Could this be why people seek more casual relationships now? Someone that wants you, needs you, but only kinda likes you... it’s less powerful, not as scary, easy to jump ship so to speak because without deep love there isn't deep commitment, eliminating the possibility of a deeper pain.
That’s the thing with falling in love, it's scary, unpredictable, yet euphoric. Falling for someone is like tripping while you walk, it might throw you off for a bit but you shake it off. Falling in love however, well that's standing at the edge of a cliff and taking the leap. Effortlessly falling, adrenaline flooding your body the closer you get to the ground... closing your eyes hoping, wishing there's someone there to break your fall.
Falling in love is a choice sparked by emotion. Many may disagree but hear me out. Yes, love is an emotion. They say that if you break an artists heart you will see masterpieces of what you have done. We rely on emotions as artists so i can’t deny love as an emotion. But why is everyone walking around with rose colored glasses when it comes to love. I love art, i love my family, i love my friends, love is the emotion, but falling in love is a choice. You choose to pursue the person, you choose to take the relationship a step further, you choose to hand them the gun and trust they don't pull the trigger.
For every girl I’ve fallen for, it's a shame if we never got to see what our story was. For the girl i fall in love with, i hope i never have to create masterpieces...